I know the topic seems wide so i have sort of narrowed down the scope to the subject of should women submit to men in the context of a family.
I was browsing through some old fashion magazines the other day and came across this article that struck my nerve in a kind of unpleasant way. And by unpleasant i mean that i felt that there was SOME truth in it... but ... i am uncomfortable with the "overall picture" and of course the inconspicuous consequence of what that meant to me particularly.
The article was that this one women who said she was a young, sassy, independent woman with a great career and of course, great money. Not surprisingly, she was her own boss. No one told her what to do, what to say or how to do it. She found her own ways. She made it happen and she saw to it that no one got in the way.
And then she got married...
Now she claims that the beginning years of her marriage were manageable but it slowly began to fall apart under the increasing pressures of work and family life. She felt the need to control everything and anything until her husband could not stand her nags and orders. The solution to her problem? She let her husband make all the major decisions of the family. And i quote, " whenever my husband asks me, hey what do you think? i just answer, Whatever suits you best, it's up to you." And this woman was convinced that this has saved her marriage. I could not be more shocked if not utterly disappointed.
I am convinced that most women today face the same pressures. And this need to "control" everything is none other than a by product of growing feminism and all that equality of gender notion. Isn't this supposed to be good? Wasn't this how our forefathers (in our case, mothers) envisioned equality to be? If men can shout at us, we can shout at them too. But we did not expect them to crumble or fall apart, and least of all, build up walls around them to block our incessant nagging... and now we are to blame. Sucks doesn't it??
It is Biblical that a wife should submit to her husband. And i think in this day and age, i find that not only disturbing if not unconscionable. I always questioned why i was born a girl. Why should i submit to someone's wishes just because of my gender. I am my own person. And what if he is wrong and I AM RIGHT?? doesn't that carry any weight at all?
I watched "The View" one day and that one episode was a discussion about whether America should choose it's first black president or it's first women president. And issues of feminism and racism and politics were all clouding the discussion and it became very interesting. But then, Whoopi Goldberg raised her arms in the air and shouted "stop! stop! we have got to stop confusing ourselves on whether this is women's issue or a black issue. Lets just vote for whoever that makes the most sense!". And i sat there, just thinking to myself, "Heck yeah! Wasn't that simple?"
In the same way, inside a family, couldn't two equal individuals make important decisions based on the one that makes the most sense? I can see that sometimes, decisions within the family, especially ones that deal with how their child should be raised can be highly emotionally motivated, but the real issue i am dealing with is, why should women submit? why should we be "automatically" sidelined when two parties cannot reach an agreement? I do not agree to this "automatic" sifting mechanism and i believe i never will.
I believe that in todays day and age, it is right that both parties should be allowed to make a stand for what they believe in, sometimes, even at the cost of their lives, and unfortunately enough, perhaps their marriage. But i also believe that marriage is a valuable asset to the stability of a society and a stable family is the optimum environment for child rearing therefore, it should not be taken lightly. Now the difficult part is perhaps to be able to draw the line. To "pick your fights" and to give and take. This i can accept.
Perhaps today's women become blinded by the false sense of glory when we stand up for women's rights, fighting for equality, barging through the parliament gates demanding attention that we are unintentionally fighting the wrong enemy as a result?? Because if men are the enemy then something is wrong. The real enemy could be closer to home than we'd like to think.
The real issue i found myself struggling with, much to my surprise, was myself and my pride. We're so afraid of losing out, missing out. Having such a background of favoritism of the male gender has left women with this defensive attitude towards everything. I fell through a slippery slope of battling with my boyfriend, my parents, my male colleagues and even God. Marriage, household chores, education, careers, babies.. everything was sexist, unfair, and unconscionable therefore unacceptable. I was and i guess still am, determined not to allow sexism but i went overboard. I felt bitter. And alone.
Not surprisingly, men too have pride. And it is when their pride gets in the way of rationality, it becomes a dangerous weapon indeed. We all have seen the consequence of a male chauvinistic mentality so, no, we do not want to go back to those dark ages...(so i guess the answer is NO!)... but neither do we want the pendulum to swing too far to the other direction.
All in all, i think i am still at the stage where i can accept a good discussion/debate before i could ever imagine myself in a state of submission. That is fair isn't it?
