Interests:i love God, my family,coffee,chocolate,lace,pearls, shopping malls, perfumes, pretty bracelets, shoes, shoes and more shoes! handbags, skirts..the colour purple,lilac, lavender in particular,anything that associates with my name, number 7,loud music (rock &alternative only) in which to drown my sorrows, new flashy guitars,rock concerts,cloudy,windy days n rainy days, chocolates, ice-cream,singing,swimming,beautiful poems, novels (fantasy) that have many many series..my bed, my soft white blanket, fresh roses, (preferably pink, or purple, n fluffy bean-bag-filled soft SOFT teddy bears;p and SLEEP! Expertise:still a student. (shucks). daydreaming. sleeping. shopping.i collect lots of stuf.. i have a teddy bear collection, n i collect mooncake boxes;p (so nice la the mooncake boxes nowadays) , n i collect diaries, sample perfumes,cute lacy scrunchies, accessories, pretty dresses, train tickets, camp receipts,1 cent coins, a few chocolate boxes,got stamp collection. coin collection, name tags, n a camp manual collection..(manuals i got from the evr so many camps i went to..;p) i love music, and words, i write poems (nothing to shout about yet.. still learning) in my free time.. i write songs, short stories, still working on my writing skills... hope to publish a fantasy novel some day... k.. just dreaming.. ;p Occupation:Student Industry:Other
I know the topic seems wide so i have sort of narrowed down the scope to the subject of should women submit to men in the context of a family.
I was browsing through some old fashion magazines the other day and came across this article that struck my nerve in a kind of unpleasant way. And by unpleasant i mean that i felt that there was SOME truth in it... but ... i am uncomfortable with the "overall picture" and of course the inconspicuous consequence of what that meant to me particularly.
The article was that this one women who said she was a young, sassy, independent woman with a great career and of course, great money. Not surprisingly, she was her own boss. No one told her what to do, what to say or how to do it. She found her own ways. She made it happen and she saw to it that no one got in the way.
And then she got married...
Now she claims that the beginning years of her marriage were manageable but it slowly began to fall apart under the increasing pressures of work and family life. She felt the need to control everything and anything until her husband could not stand her nags and orders. The solution to her problem? She let her husband make all the major decisions of the family. And i quote, " whenever my husband asks me, hey what do you think? i just answer, Whatever suits you best, it's up to you." And this woman was convinced that this has saved her marriage. I could not be more shocked if not utterly disappointed.
I am convinced that most women today face the same pressures. And this need to "control" everything is none other than a by product of growing feminism and all that equality of gender notion. Isn't this supposed to be good? Wasn't this how our forefathers (in our case, mothers) envisioned equality to be? If men can shout at us, we can shout at them too. But we did not expect them to crumble or fall apart, and least of all, build up walls around them to block our incessant nagging... and now we are to blame. Sucks doesn't it??
It is Biblical that a wife should submit to her husband. And i think in this day and age, i find that not only disturbing if not unconscionable. I always questioned why i was born a girl. Why should i submit to someone's wishes just because of my gender. I am my own person. And what if he is wrong and I AM RIGHT?? doesn't that carry any weight at all?
I watched "The View" one day and that one episode was a discussion about whether America should choose it's first black president or it's first women president. And issues of feminism and racism and politics were all clouding the discussion and it became very interesting. But then, Whoopi Goldberg raised her arms in the air and shouted "stop! stop! we have got to stop confusing ourselves on whether this is women's issue or a black issue. Lets just vote for whoever that makes the most sense!". And i sat there, just thinking to myself, "Heck yeah! Wasn't that simple?"
In the same way, inside a family, couldn't two equal individuals make important decisions based on the one that makes the most sense? I can see that sometimes, decisions within the family, especially ones that deal with how their child should be raised can be highly emotionally motivated, but the real issue i am dealing with is, why should women submit? why should we be "automatically" sidelined when two parties cannot reach an agreement? I do not agree to this "automatic" sifting mechanism and i believe i never will.
I believe that in todays day and age, it is right that both parties should be allowed to make a stand for what they believe in, sometimes, even at the cost of their lives, and unfortunately enough, perhaps their marriage. But i also believe that marriage is a valuable asset to the stability of a society and a stable family is the optimum environment for child rearing therefore, it should not be taken lightly. Now the difficult part is perhaps to be able to draw the line. To "pick your fights" and to give and take. This i can accept.
Perhaps today's women become blinded by the false sense of glory when we stand up for women's rights, fighting for equality, barging through the parliament gates demanding attention that we are unintentionally fighting the wrong enemy as a result?? Because if men are the enemy then something is wrong. The real enemy could be closer to home than we'd like to think.
The real issue i found myself struggling with, much to my surprise, was myself and my pride. We're so afraid of losing out, missing out. Having such a background of favoritism of the male gender has left women with this defensive attitude towards everything. I fell through a slippery slope of battling with my boyfriend, my parents, my male colleagues and even God. Marriage, household chores, education, careers, babies.. everything was sexist, unfair, and unconscionable therefore unacceptable. I was and i guess still am, determined not to allow sexism but i went overboard. I felt bitter. And alone.
Not surprisingly, men too have pride. And it is when their pride gets in the way of rationality, it becomes a dangerous weapon indeed. We all have seen the consequence of a male chauvinistic mentality so, no, we do not want to go back to those dark ages...(so i guess the answer is NO!)... but neither do we want the pendulum to swing too far to the other direction.
All in all, i think i am still at the stage where i can accept a good discussion/debate before i could ever imagine myself in a state of submission. That is fair isn't it?
This month on the 18th, it will be 4 years... and we're still together. Looking back, time really flies. I can't believe it has been this long. I still remember the first birthday. I barely knew you. We had not even gone on our first date yet. And I gave you a watch which till today you refused to wear because it was too big. >.<' so much for effort...
Our first date as a couple -- it was awkward, it was stupid. And we were too scared and shy to speak yet alone hold each other's gaze. I sat opposite you at Chillis and when you said you were not hungry but that I should go ahead and order —I hysterically forced you to order as well because I was so afraid that you would think I ate too much. Of course, I would find out later that their portions are huge and you meant to share but was too polite to tell me. (*whacks head*) It was stupid and embarrassing but it was also special because it was genuine. We knew feelings were mutual and we didn't have to hide anything but still we tried to, because we were scared that if we opened our eyes, it would disappear.
Our first movie -- Mr. & Mrs. Smith. Guess what? Brangelina are still going strong! ;) . I caught your eye during the sizzling sex scene in the movie -- Seriously, wrong movie for a first date. We felt so uncomfortable. but what the heck...
-- I still have the movie tickets.
But it was hard as well. We both had different directions to go. Looking back of course we could say it was for the best. But deep down, we both know we didn’t feel that way most of the time. But it did make us appreciate every moment we had together and to make it a daily effort to communicate.
There were times when we both felt like this was not going anywhere – and sadly, at times I really believed it. But during those times, when I was furthest away from you, I felt you were the closest person in my life. You never pressured me. You let me chase my dreams and waterfalls even though it would break your heart.
You never dressed things up to be nicer than what it is. You never pretended to be what you are not. You never lied even though what you said hurt me to my deepest core. You told me, a dressed up lie would hurt even more in the long run than the blunt truth- and you were right.
Eventually, in a sea ofpressures, lies and pretence, your patience and honesty always brought me back to you. I admire you greatly for that.
It’s been 4 years and I still get goosebumps thinking about you. Ain’t that amazing… I never want to get tired of this feeling.
If there was one perfect feeling I could capture forever… it’s the feeling of waiting at the terminal, waiting for you to appear. Every second feeling like a millions years. And finally, I see you coming out. Your eyes search the crowd, our eyes meet. We smile. – the same awkward, shy smile from our first date—that, I can say, is really one perfect moment in time-- before we rush into each other’s arms.
And I am thankful that because we have been on a long distance relationship for so long, I had the chance many, many, beautiful moments like this. Each reunion is better than the last but so is each goodbye more painful than the one before. But I have come to learn that without the sad goodbyes, there would be no joyful reunions. And the highs and lows in life are just part of every season in the big picture.
So, I will thank God for each sad parting and wait patiently for the next reunion when we would be together. I love you very much. Till our next joyful reunion…
this month's title was hard. It took me the longest time to come up with anything even remotely relevant. So i decided to cheat and do my own interpretation of "wonderland"... ;p
And this post is dedicated to Lynn Joanna Tong who is the third of my dad's five princesses.
Surrounded by the white walls of the hospice, Alice lay on crisp off- white bed sheets in her tiny cot, the smell of dettol and anti-septic mixed with lavender detergent.
She was only eight.
But that was already a miracle. The doctors said she would not survive her fifth birthday.
Little Alice. With eyes always opened wide. Staring and staring. That was how he remembered her as a baby, inquisitive, alert and smiling.
At two, she was diagnosed with leukemia. She had endured intensive treatment but was slowly succumbing to the same wretched disease that claimed her mother when she was only four.
At 39, John was left a widower with sick child. Although Alice meant the world to him, he remembered feeling so helpless. So lost… So angry… that his life seemed to stretch on for miles and miles into the black abyss of a future. And he didn’t know what to do with her.
Why should all that he loved be taken away from him? Why should he be the one that’s left to linger… on and on. To give and then take away; was this some cruel joke God had played?
But Alice took care of him just as he took care of her. He read to her every night and rocked her to sleep. And she would tell him stories, of a beautiful place. A wonderland. Where everything was amazing and nonsensical at the same time. Slowly, she had planted the seed of hope in him. And he learned to love again.
Together they went on adventures with Indiana Jones, raids with Ali baba and the fourty thieves and tackled monsters with Hercules. There were grand balls too, with Cinderella, Sleeping Beauty and Snow White, but her favourite was Beauty and the Beast.
“Because,”she had said, “ I would have gone back for you too, daddy… no matter how nice the beast or the castle was.”
But despite the happy times they shared. John knew this day would come. She was never his to keep forever. Still he had tried to prepare himself, to shield his heart, knowing it would be utterly useless.
She may not make it through the night, the doctors had warned, and encouraged him to say his last goodbyes. Cancer had won. They had lost. Chemo wasn’t working anymore.
He wanted her to fight. To live. For him.
He had watched his brave princess hold back screams and tears during chemo. He wanted to scream and kick somebody.
… but he also knew they were right.
“Daddy, don’t cry… am I… going to die?”
“ No. No sweetheart. You are not. You’re so beautiful! You are going to grow up. And you’re going to college to university… and you’re going to fall in love, get married… ” his voice trailed off as tears welled up in his eyes.
And barely choking on his words.. he whispered, “Then you’re gonna have a pretty little girl, just like you..”
“and I am going to be there.” He added decisively. “I will not leave you. I will never leave you… so don’t you leave your daddy, ok? Ok honey?”
I cannot bear to lose you…
“ok daddy. “
And she smiled with her perfect dark brown eyes.
It was a long night.
She would never know why he lied.
“Tell me again, how you and mummy met and fell in love. I miss her.”
They laughed and they cried and talked about the things they would do tomorrow.
Through the night the father rocked the rocking chair, as Alice slipped into her wonderland.Every gentle sway, a rhythmic to and fro…to and fro… like the steady sound of a heartbeat… Which he would never hear again.
i need to study instead of blogging here. but i need to blog here to prevent myself from shopping. and i need to shop to prevent myself from watching drama series and movies. but i need to watch drama series and movies to keep myself awake. i need to keep myself awake to study...haihzzzzz...
